I stayed up all night watching Perks of Being a Wallflower and doing AP French homework. But when I had to wake up for school, I instantly regretted it. I knew it was going to be a writing day. All I could think about was the movie. And then I thought well, what are the perks of being a wallflower? But that was yesterday, school kicked my ass and I didn’t have a chance to think about the important subject of the day. But now, as I’m walking through suburbia and procrastinating, the question popped in my head again. During the movie, I felt a lot like Charlie (I’m sure everyone says that). But seriously, I sit with people at lunch but I might as well just sit alone. I barely interact with people and I feel as if I don’t have any real friends anymore. Sure I talk to people in school but I just stay in my house on my computer all weekend. And I’m definitely not happy. I just hated walking around in a bad mood all the time, it just made me mad and bitter. So I guess I became numb. I don’t know. It sounds depressing but I swear it’s not as bad as it sounds. My numb state is like - I won’t let anything get to me and I’ll just act happy all the time. I’m just trying to make it to graduation without ruining my mental state. It’s already been through enough mental breakdowns (including one right now). But I’ve had all my sad Charlie moments. When do I become a wallflower? When will I have the well-earned perks? Why didn’t I get my invitation to the land of misfit toys yet? I just want to be genuinely happy. Of course I still am happy sometimes. But for one day, one moment at least, I want to feel infinite. I still haven’t discovered the perks yet. Or is that it? Feeling infinite? Oh God, I hope so. I’ll find my tunnel song and the perks of being…well, me. And maybe, finally, I can feel infinite.